Hello, hello, hello. Had my CD 20 bloodtest last Thrusday, but I don't have the results yet. I meet with the OB on Tuesday to go over all results and come up with a game plan.

I didn't mention this before, but on my ultrasound, it says "Left ovary not seen." I'm not sure if I should be scared of that or not. My OB left a message about the results of the ultrasound, and she said, "It is pretty much as we had expected." I assume if I was actually MISSING an ovary, she's mention that? Hmm, oh well. :)

Well, it looks like I did ovulate on CD 13. That's good in one way - that means my cycles haven't gotten any worse, and my dieting didn't really affect anything. It's bad though because I had an ultrasound on CD 12 and they said the eggs were too small and immature. So even though I ovulated, they would not be able to be fertilized.

Also, my fertility monitor didn't pick up an LH surge, so it didn't give me any peak days. This means my LH surge was really weak, which appears to be my major problem.

The nurse originally said that she thought I had PCOS because the ratio of FSH to LH was 3:1. However, in women with PCOS, the LH is almost always higher. Plus, my ultrasound did not reveal any abnormal cysts on my ovaries (yay!). You actually don't need cysts on your ovaries to be diagnosed with PCOS, but I really don't have any symptoms of PCOS other than slightly elevated insulin. She still might diagnose me with PCOS however, just to give my problem a name. :)

I've looked all over the internet and this is all I've been able to find about low LH levels:

"An inadequate LH release can cause a decrease in androstenedione from the theca cells. Less substrate results in a decrease in estradiol and, subsequently, lower progesterone levels. Additionally, a suboptimal LH surge at ovulation causes deficient progesterone because of inadequate luteinization of the granulosa cells."

That doesn't really explain why my eggs are immature (as evidenced by my ultrasound), because my FSH levels were fine.

Anyway, like I said before, the treatment will be the same, really. Metformin for elevated insulin, and Clomid to strength ovulation. 75% of women on Clomid ovulate, and if you ovulate you have a 40% chance of getting pregnant each cycle.

So, this 40% number really has me excited. I kind of feel a renewed interest in the whole pregnancy thing (I guess my interest was fading slightly this month because I was basically told I would not be able to get pregnant, plus I thought I wasn't ovulating).

I went out and bought some books yesterday, and I have my eyes set on a pregnancy journal where I can record all the events of my pregnancy. I will not buy it until I'm actually pregnant though. :)

Ugh, what's going on with my chart? It doesn't look like I ovulated yet, and I should have. I've been dieting lately - perhaps that messed up my cycle? Argh, I'm frustrated.

Today I have another bloodtest and an ultrasound, so perhaps we can get a better idea of what's going on because of that.

Wish me luck!

Well, when I did finally meet with the OB, she said my FSH hormone was elevated, incidating I have PCOS. So I was wrong when I previously said that my mentral hormoes where OK! I guess the nurse just didn't tell me over the phone.

I guess I have a really mild case, since I have regular periods and no other symptoms (other than extra weight in the middle).

I will have an ultrasound next week to check out the status of my follices, but I'm worried I'll ovulate before then. It will show whether or not I have cysts on my ovaries though. I will also do another blood test.

Pretty much regardless of what happens though, the treatment will be almost the same. Metformin (Glucophage) to lower my insulin, and Clomid to stregthen my ovulation.

Since I have high FSH though, I need to be careful of multiple ovulation. We'll hopefully be able to monitor that with monthly ultrasounds though. I'd really like to prevent multiples.

My blood tests came back yesterday. All my menstral hormones were OK (which is good) but my insulin was a little high. Some doctors diagnose insulin resistance at a fasting insulin level of 15. Most use a fasting insulin level of 20. Mine was 18. So my doctor is going to talk to me about it, perhaps put me on some medication (I'm assuming metaformin, which is supposed to me a nice, safe drug).

I go in to talk to the doctor this morning about it, so I'll write more after that. But, I did some reasearch, and they said that basically anyone over a certain weight will have like a near-100% chance of having insulin resistance. So, at my weight, my insulin level actually isn't too bad (since some doctors wouldn't even diagnose me with it officially). But, treating the insulin problem will help me get pregnant, and will help me lose weight. Both of which is FINE with me! :)

Today she will also talk to me about getting an ultrasound in the middle of my cycle (before I ovulate) to measure my pre-ovulation follicles. She will try to determine if they are mature enough to be fertilized. If they aren't mature, I assume I will be on Clomid next cycle. I will let you know!

I'm excited about the path I'm on though... lots of little problems popping up, but nothing too suprising, dangerous or unfixable. :) Let's keep it that way.

Not much going on... Stopped my period yesterday, so ovulation and BDing and my first HCG shot are coming up soon.

I didn't get the results of my blood test back yet, should find out more today.

So the OB appointment went really well I think. The bad news is, my OB looked at my charts and immediately said I have a luteal phase defect (LPD). Basically, my progesterone was too low after ovulation to support a pregnancy. The good news is, if this is indeed the only problem, it is a pretty easy problem to fix. :)

I'm so glad that I've been charting, otherwise she would have probably told me to just keep trying and see what happens (since all my x-rays look so good). But, when I showed her my charts, she basically said, "Aha, this is the problem!"

I'm also really glad that I got the fertility monitor. Since the fertility monitor picked up my LH surge last month, that means I probably have good LH/FSH levels. I am having a blood test in a few days to doublecheck that though.

If I have low LH/FSH levels as well, I will probably need Clomid (a fertility drug) to help with follicle production. This would mean that though my body is ovulating (as evidenced by my temperature charts) the follicles and eggs are not mature enough to result in pregnancy. Either the egg that is released is too immature to be penetrated by sperm, or the corpus luteum is not mature enough to produce enough progesterone to maintain a pregnancy. Or both.

Since my fertility monitor picked up some LH/FSH levels and since I do seem to be ovulating (if only weakly), the doctor wants to start treatment by giving me an HCG shot around ovulation, which will help the strength of my ovulation (but not the maturity of my follicles, if that is the main problem). Then, I will have progesterone treatment after ovulation to help support my uterine lining in preparation for implantation.

If my LH/FSH levels are low, or if the above treatment doesn't work, the next step is Clomid, which will increase the strength of my ovulation.

Then, if that doesn't work, we will go on to other treatments. Right now, the OB doesn't even want to bother with a sperm analysis or any other tests because we have a known problem right here.

So, like I said, I'm happy about all this. I think I've said it in my blog before, that I feel like if there is a problem, I just want to know what it is and get on with fixing it! :) Of course, I'd prefer everything to be perfect, but rarely in life it is. ;)

That being said, I started my period today. I can say that the last two months have been stronger cycles for me... I had the eggwhite CM and no early spotting (by the way, early spotting was a result of my low progesterone). So this can only help with the treatment. I'm happy I started my period today though, because that means I can get on with the fertility treatments. :)

So, I'll have my blood test on Monday. Wish me luck! Don't want to have hypothyrodism or some other blood issue, so cross your fingers for that. ;)

Temp still down... this chart is hopeless! :P I think I've totally given up on it (though I will never totally give up on a chart until AF shows up! :)

I have my OB appointment tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully we can figure out what's going on (if anything).

Temp down a little bit, and kind of uglied up my chart. :( It is still a little higher than last month, but it doesn't look as nice. :)

Still no symptoms. Going back to work today (didn't go yesterday because it still hurt too much).

Well, my temp took a nice rise last night, which is a little different than last month. I'm worried about THIS month because so far it has looked exactly like last month, and last month I wasn't pregnant. So, the fact that this month my chart is looking a little better, and different, that's nice.

Still no symptoms. Back still hurts but I'm going to try to go to work this morning, I think.

Still nothing going on. Back is still hurting, but I can finally walk now at least. No signs of pregnancy or anything else exciting. Will post more later.

I hurt my back so it has been hard for me to post. But, no news anyway... still waiting for another week or so to see if this is our month. :)

I hate the first week after ovulation. You can't look forward to ovulation and BDing, and it is too early for pregnancy signs, so all you can do is wait. Bleh. So, I'm waiting. Nothing to report.

I got another Peak reading on Sunday, and today I got a High reading on the fertility monitor. Plus, my temperature jumped today. All of this adds up to the fact that I ovulated yesterday, on CD 11, which is a few days early. I guess buying the fertility monitor was a good idea. :) So, we'll BD tonight as well for good measure, and then we'll begin the dreaded Two Week Wait.

I think this is one of my best ovulations yet. I had Eggwhite CM for TWO DAYS. And quite a bit of it the morning of the second day (which, incidentally, were my two Peak days on the fertility monitor, as you'd expect). Remember that I've only ever had Eggwhite CM one other month white TTC (which happened to be during a month we were taking off because I was on medication for my allergies).

So, this is the first time we're BDing with the best kind of cervical fluid! I think that's great. :) I've been taking 3 Mucinex pills per day, which is an expentorant that thins mucus (including cervical mucus) and it either worked well this month, or this was just a good month. If I get Eggwhite CM next month, I'll give total credit to the Mucinex. :)

The appointment with my new OB is on Jan. 9th. So that means I'll be 12 DPO when I see her. Hopefully I'll have some pregnancy symptoms when I go in, so I'll sort of know one way or the other what I should talk to her about. :) Maybe I can get an early blood test. Anyway, like I said before, I will arrange for some infertility treatments, or at least ask her about them, when I go in (if I'm not pregnant).

Today I got a "Peak" reading on my fertiliy monitor! And it's only day 10! Wtf? Not sure what that's all about, but we BDed last night, and we'll keep it up until it's time to stop. ;)

I'm happy and kind of surprised about the Peak reading. It's so early in my cycle. I guess if I ovulate on day 12 or so, it is good timing though. Anyway, I've never had a Peak reading, so it was fun to see the little egg picture in the monitor's window. Last month I never got a Peak reading, and a little part of me wondered if that could be an indication that something wrong. But, of course, the directions for the monitor said that the first month is usually screwy as it gets used to your hormone levels. I'm just glad that there is another indication that I'm normal, ya know? :)

I want a baby so bad. I guess part of it is that I'm a naturally obsessive person, and this is my current obsession. (You know, I never thought I was obsessive until I was an adult. But now I find that I do so many little things... like I have to eat ice cream in a certain order: creamy parts first, candy-laiden parts last. Or, I always avoid cracks in the pavement - but just in front of work and in front of our apartment.) But I think I have hormones that are kicking in as well. I think I've written in the blog before about oxytocin in more detail, so I won't get into that now. I think though, that I'm totally half-full of this oxytocin stuff! Everything in my whole body is shouting, "BABY! BABY! BABY!" to me all the time.

Like the other day, I was playing with one of the cats, and I started tickling him and doing my own silly version of "coochie coochie coo." Then I thought, hopefully one day I'll be doing this to my little baby! Then my heart melted as the oxytocin kicked in.

I was reading a book the other night that was talking about how to make your babies smart, starting from around 28 weeks pregnant. They can hear in the womb, and hearing the mother's voice when she is talking stimulates development in the baby's brain. The baby also will match is cries to certain patterns in the mother's speech, which makes the cries more pleasing to the mother's ear when the baby is born. I hope that means my baby won't cry a lot, since I sure do talk a lot. Hehe.

But anyway, the book was discussing all of these hormonal things that evolution has developed in order to help with the species' survival. Human infants are totally dependant on their parents - they can't do anything on their own, really. Some scientists have said that the gestational period for humans is really 2 years and 10 months. Until a baby is around 2 years old, they can't really survive at all on their own (even then it would be tough for them, of course). So, nature makes sure that the parents totally love the baby so much that they will do anything to protect and nurture it.

For example, everything about a baby's appearance is tailored to trigger certain reactions in its parents. All babies have dark hair and the same color eyes when their born. The reason? So a father can't tell that it isn't his baby, until later when the baby's hair and eyes change, and by then the baby is older and slightly more secure. This tries to ensure that the father will stick around a little longer, even if it isn't his baby. Babies are born with lots of fat around their faces which makes them cuter and more appealing. They learn instantly how to make eye contact, and their dark, deep eyes looking deep into your heart ensure that the parents experience a certain "bonding" with their baby. As I mentioned before, the babies cries are tuned to specifically create a desire to help within the parents. And, the whole breastfeeding experience is designed to feel good to the mother (oxytocin, the "love" hormone that is also present after an orgasm, pumps through the mother's veins) so that she will want to continue the experience.

Anyway, even though there is are even more examples like that, I won't get into all of them. But I would LOVE to experience all of this. I would LOVE to meet this little human that is specifically suited with tools that will force me to love it. Not that I won't love it anyway, but how cool is that to meet someone created just for me to love?

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Well, I got a "High" fertility reading on my Fertility Monitor, so we'll be BDing tonight, even though it seems quite early. I would assume that I won't ovulate until about CD 13, and it is CD 9 today. But, in previous cycles, I've ovulated as early as CD 11, so anything is possible, and I'm ready for it. ;)

It will be nice to BD this cycle because we have so many days off due to the holiday. So we'll BD tonight and Sat and Sunday, I'll probably ovulate on Monday, and we'll BD on Monday and Tuesday and that should be it. We'll see. :)

I see my new OB on the 9th, so hopefully I'll be pregnant by then, and the visit will be useless! :)

Not much going on. The blogger web site was down yesterday so I couldn't post anything. I wonder how many bloggers are writing about the blogger site being down in their blogs? Hehe.

Anyway, my period is gone, so we'll be TTC again in a few days here. I don't really have anything new to do this cycle... I'm still on Mucinex for cervical mucus, but I'm still scared to try egg whites.

I decided that if I don't get pregnant this cycle, I'm going to have a few infertility tests (even though it is still a little early). I have already have an HSG, so I shouldn't have to do that. (Unless they want to see if anything has changed in the last 6 months, which is possible.) We will probably get an SA and whatever other treatment or test is really cheap. Then if I still don't get pregnant for 3 or 4 more months, then I'll make an appointment to see an RE and get more expensive treatments or tests. That is of course unless my OB can determine the problem easily, and start treatment. I just want to be pregnant with a healthy baby, I don't care what it takes. :)

Sorry I haven't updated for a while. It is just toooo depressing to write stuff in my "pregnancy journal" while I'm on my period, ya know?

Last month was such a heartbreaking experience. I'm not kidding - I was 100% sure I was pregnant. I think I had convinced Kevin that I was pregnant too. The few days we really thought it had happened were some of the happiest of my life, and seeing Kevin just as happy was amazing. So, when I started my period, it was devastating to both of us. We were both trying to be strong for eachother, but we were both really sad. It sucked!

So now we're on to our 5th month. I guess we're still within the normal range in terms of how long it is taking us. I'm just worried that something is wrong, and I don't want to waste too much time before trying to figure it out.

So, I've made an appointment with an OB to discuss everything. Firstly, I had a lot of cramps last month after ovulation, and I should have that checked out. Perhaps it is nothing. Secondly, I want to start talking about infertility treatments. Unfortunately, infertility isn't covered by my insurance (which sucks!) so I will have to pay for everything. Happily, Kevin agrees this is top priority and he committed to spending money if we have to. I've done an HSG so I know my tubes are open, but there are few other little tests we can have that will tell us more without much effort and money.

My OB appointment is Jan. 9 I think, so I am going to try again this cycle and see what happens. Then, on Jan. 9, I won't be able to have xrays or anything until I know I'm not pregnant. Hopefully they will be unnecessary. :)

Well, I started my period for sure. I'm pretty devastated. I was just SOOOO sure that I was pregnant this month. With the light HPT positive and everything. In fact, I bet I WAS pregnant, but I lost it so early.

I am going to go to the OB though and see what the little pains I was having were. Like I said before, perhaps I have an ovarian cyst. Or, perhaps it was just a chemical pregnancy.

Oh well... :(

I just posted this on the message board:

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Today is the first day of my missed period, but I started spotting tonight (quite a bit of spotting... enough to wear a pantyliner, but not enough yet for a tampon) and have AF cramps. I took a Clear Blue Easy test tonight (not with morning urine), and there was a very very faint blue line, but I still think it is a BFN (the line didn't show up for a while).

However, my temperature is still up. In fact, I took a nap tonight then took my temp when I woke up, and my temperature was 98.7. Usually it drops about 4 tenths of a point by morning, but still that is very high.

Also, I've never started my period with my temps this high. Could it mean there is something wrong? I've had lots of cramps since like 4 DPO, could this mean an ovarian cyst or something?

Obviously, I need to see what tomorrow's temperature is. What if it is still high?

Thanks so much in advance for your thoughts. I'm so emotional right now. I thought I was being very strong when I saw the spotting, but then my husband asked me about it (he was sooooooo cute and excited when I missed my period) I started totally bawling. I sooo wanted to make him happy, and I could tell he was so disappointed that I started my period. It totally broke my heart. We're building a new house right now, and I desparately want to start a family to live in it.

Ah well, thanks for listening.

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:(