So here I am, laying flat on my back for the 11th day.
This has been a tough day for me for some reason. I don't have any of my passwords from work so I can't do much work. Kevin is sick, so he can't see me or bring me anything. It's Sunday, so thereis nothing good on TV.
But yet here I must lie to save you, baby. So far I think I've done OK. I feel much better on most days. Today is just rough.
I so wish Kevin wasn't sick so I could at least talk to him on the phone. Everytime I call him he ends up coughing really bad and I have to hang up. Luckily I can still talk to my mom and dad, and they've been really great.
I can feel you kicking much more now. Especially after I eat. You like it when I eat, I guess. :) The rush of sugar and nutrition after being hungry for a while. The kicking is the highlight of my day.
I'm starting to get pissed at the hospital too. They keep messing up my food day after day. I'll have a baked potato for lunch, but they don't bring any butter or sour cream. So, I ask them to bring it and it takes like 1.5 hours. It sucks. Why can't they get it right when I type out specific directions?
If Kevin was healthy, he could bring me some food. I already asked him if he could bring me my favorite pizza after work some day. Oh my god, thinking about it right now makes my mouth water. Their salad is so good too. It's just nice, clean, fresh-cut lettuce, big shreds of mozzerella cheese, and italian dressing. That's it! But it is so good. And the pizza itself is heavenly. The sauce is sweet, which is why Kevin doesn't like it, but I LOVE it. I want some of that pizza so bad. I can almost taste it.
So, tomorrow my doctor said she was going to call the University of Chicago and see what services they offer for someone in my situation. I had asked her about an experimental procedure called amnioinfusion, where they refill the sac with water every week (because it usually just spills out again) but she said that since she never did it before, she wouldn't feel comfortable doing it to me.
But, she did say that since I wanted to be more "agressive" then she would call the university and see what services they offer that might be more beneficial to me. Of course, I also have to see what my insurance covers. But I hope that they can at least give some interesting advice.
Oh well, Enterprise is on, so I guess I'm going to watch that. I tried watching the Oscars but it was horribly boring. Chris Rock wasn't even that funny.
Good by for now...
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Saturday, February 26, 2005
White blood cells...
Yesterday the doctor came in and said that my white blood cell count was slightly elevated and that it was a concern. She said that if she saw my white blood cell count going higher a week ago, she would have taken the baby. So, this was serious.
But, all we could do to was wait until today and see what happened.
Well the good news is that my white blood cell count did not go higher, it stayed the same. So, that means they won't induce pregnancy today.
She did say that some of my white blood cell counts have been the same - slightly elevated - the entire time I've been in the hospital. That means I do have SOME kind of infection, but it also means that it isn't getting any worse. I have had a sinus infection for about a year now, and I asked her if that could be responsible for my elevated count, and she said that was possible.
Just imagine - they may have almost taken my baby because of a sinus infection!
The thing that really bothers me is that if my numbers do go up, I have to make a choice to take the baby in order to possibly save my life. I already spoke to my doctor that it would take a LOT to make me feel justified in taking my baby's life when I can feel him/her kicking and moving around inside of me.
The nurses always say, "We want to save the baby of course, but YOU are the important thing. You can always have another baby."
But the thing they don't understand is that I spend almost $10,000 on fertility treatments in order to get pregnant, and I have a huge fibroid that I will have to remove once this pregnancy is over (which could backfire and I could lose my uterus). So, really, I may not be able to have another baby. This may be my only chance. I don't want to die here, but I'm just saying that it will take a lot to convice me to take my baby out so early! Especially when I'm just a few weeks away from viability!
Anyway, that's what's going on with me. I feel pretty confident that my elevated white blood cell count is due to some OTHER infection, other than a uterine infection, so I hope I can just keep laying here, growing my baby.
But, all we could do to was wait until today and see what happened.
Well the good news is that my white blood cell count did not go higher, it stayed the same. So, that means they won't induce pregnancy today.
She did say that some of my white blood cell counts have been the same - slightly elevated - the entire time I've been in the hospital. That means I do have SOME kind of infection, but it also means that it isn't getting any worse. I have had a sinus infection for about a year now, and I asked her if that could be responsible for my elevated count, and she said that was possible.
Just imagine - they may have almost taken my baby because of a sinus infection!
The thing that really bothers me is that if my numbers do go up, I have to make a choice to take the baby in order to possibly save my life. I already spoke to my doctor that it would take a LOT to make me feel justified in taking my baby's life when I can feel him/her kicking and moving around inside of me.
The nurses always say, "We want to save the baby of course, but YOU are the important thing. You can always have another baby."
But the thing they don't understand is that I spend almost $10,000 on fertility treatments in order to get pregnant, and I have a huge fibroid that I will have to remove once this pregnancy is over (which could backfire and I could lose my uterus). So, really, I may not be able to have another baby. This may be my only chance. I don't want to die here, but I'm just saying that it will take a lot to convice me to take my baby out so early! Especially when I'm just a few weeks away from viability!
Anyway, that's what's going on with me. I feel pretty confident that my elevated white blood cell count is due to some OTHER infection, other than a uterine infection, so I hope I can just keep laying here, growing my baby.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Bad news
About a week and a half ago, I felt some leakage that was really odd. I brushed it off until I went to bed and there was a gush of liquid. When I called the doctor they said it was too early for amniotic fluid, and it was probably urine or vaginal secretions. But I can tell urine when I see it!
Anyway, the next day I had an appointment with my OB at 12:30 so I just waited until then. The OB checked me and unfortunately found that indeed my water had broken and she said I had to go to the hospital immediately. Don't even stop to register, go straight to Labor and Delivery.
The OB expected that the bladder infection I had probably spread to the uterus, damaged the membranes and caused a rupture. There was a great probability that I would go into labor within 24 hours. Of course, at 20 weeks, the baby would not survive. She would not try to stop labor with drugs because there was probably a subclinical infection that could hurt me.
So 24 hours passed. I was on full bedrest with bedpan and in the trandelenburg position (a backwards angle on the bed so my head is closer to the floor). Fortunately, I never went into labor.
Then the OB said that 80% of women will go into labor within one week. So, I stayed on full bedrest in a modified trandelenburg position for the full week. Still no labor!
Now, we're planning what will happen in the coming months. At 24 weeks, they will look closely at the baby and see if being in the womb with no water is hurting him/her. The neonatologist said that at 24 weeks, it might be better to take the baby and let him develop on the outside because being in the womb with no water can cause deformities.
Of course, a 24 weeker is VERY scary, and there is a high chance of having problems. The neonatologist felt that I had a good chance though, because I was already in the hospital in a situation he could control.
But, of course, I hope that I get some fluid back (have gotten 2.0 fluid back so far, but doesn't seem to be getting higher than that). And I hope that they let me keep the baby past 24 weeks.
At this point, all I can do is lay flat and hope that everything turns out alright.
Right now, I'm just a few days away from hitting 22 weeks. I hope I can keep this baby, we went through so much to get pregnant!
Stay with me sweetie!
Anyway, the next day I had an appointment with my OB at 12:30 so I just waited until then. The OB checked me and unfortunately found that indeed my water had broken and she said I had to go to the hospital immediately. Don't even stop to register, go straight to Labor and Delivery.
The OB expected that the bladder infection I had probably spread to the uterus, damaged the membranes and caused a rupture. There was a great probability that I would go into labor within 24 hours. Of course, at 20 weeks, the baby would not survive. She would not try to stop labor with drugs because there was probably a subclinical infection that could hurt me.
So 24 hours passed. I was on full bedrest with bedpan and in the trandelenburg position (a backwards angle on the bed so my head is closer to the floor). Fortunately, I never went into labor.
Then the OB said that 80% of women will go into labor within one week. So, I stayed on full bedrest in a modified trandelenburg position for the full week. Still no labor!
Now, we're planning what will happen in the coming months. At 24 weeks, they will look closely at the baby and see if being in the womb with no water is hurting him/her. The neonatologist said that at 24 weeks, it might be better to take the baby and let him develop on the outside because being in the womb with no water can cause deformities.
Of course, a 24 weeker is VERY scary, and there is a high chance of having problems. The neonatologist felt that I had a good chance though, because I was already in the hospital in a situation he could control.
But, of course, I hope that I get some fluid back (have gotten 2.0 fluid back so far, but doesn't seem to be getting higher than that). And I hope that they let me keep the baby past 24 weeks.
At this point, all I can do is lay flat and hope that everything turns out alright.
Right now, I'm just a few days away from hitting 22 weeks. I hope I can keep this baby, we went through so much to get pregnant!
Stay with me sweetie!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Week 20 update!
Dear Baby,
You and I must feel like crap lately. I'm just assuming that because I feel so horrible, you must be getting at least some misery hormones from me that cross the placenta.
Saturday night I went to the E.R. because of a urinary tract infection. They gave me some medication and I went home. I felt better the next morning, but by Sunday night I was writhing in pain again, even worse than before. So, not knowing what to do, I went back to the E.R. yet again. This time it was like 4 a.m. and there was no doctor on duty, so they basically made we wait in the hospital until the doctor came in at 7:30. I was in really bad pain and couldn't sit still, constantly moving around in pain. I was SOOOO frustrated at being made to wait. Then, finally when the doctor gets there, she says that I'm having bladder spasms and tells me to get this over the counter medication. WTF? Why couldn't you just tell me that and send me home? It was pretty obvious what was happening!
Then Sunday I finally started feeling better, but still couldn't get to sleep because I was so constipated due to the medication (or perhaps due to the fact that I was sick and wasn't eating). Note that I hadn't slept since Saturday!
Finally, after being up all night in pain from constipation, everything got better. I'm feeling so much better now, even though I'm a little sore in my abdomen and now I have a headache.
I have my week 20 OB appointment tomorrow. I'm excited, but I've lost about 12 pounds since my last visit a month ago, so I hope that isn't too bad for you. We'll see if she thinks it is OK because I was already overweight, or if she yells at me because it is too bad for you.
Oh well. I'm looking forward to my "big" ultrasound, where they will hopefully be able to tell if you're a boy or a girl. That will be fun to find out! That should happen next week or maybe the week after. Not sure how long it will take to make an appointment.
Also, I'm pretty sure I felt you kick for the first time! I've felt some "odd" feelings off and on, but now I'm pretty sure that's you that I'm feeling. I haven't really felt anything for the last few days because I was so sick - I was feeling all kinds of odd things! Anyway, it is my impression that you tend to kick me whenever I do something that kind of squooshes my belly. Like standing up or bending over. I think it is funny because I can imagine it is part of your personality - when you don't like something you'll let me know! I think that's great, and I love to think of you developing inside me, growing your own little personality.
Well, I think I'm going to go take a bath and then go to bed early. I hope you're happy that we're both feeling better now, and I hope we both get some nice rest tonight! :)
Love,
Mom
You and I must feel like crap lately. I'm just assuming that because I feel so horrible, you must be getting at least some misery hormones from me that cross the placenta.
Saturday night I went to the E.R. because of a urinary tract infection. They gave me some medication and I went home. I felt better the next morning, but by Sunday night I was writhing in pain again, even worse than before. So, not knowing what to do, I went back to the E.R. yet again. This time it was like 4 a.m. and there was no doctor on duty, so they basically made we wait in the hospital until the doctor came in at 7:30. I was in really bad pain and couldn't sit still, constantly moving around in pain. I was SOOOO frustrated at being made to wait. Then, finally when the doctor gets there, she says that I'm having bladder spasms and tells me to get this over the counter medication. WTF? Why couldn't you just tell me that and send me home? It was pretty obvious what was happening!
Then Sunday I finally started feeling better, but still couldn't get to sleep because I was so constipated due to the medication (or perhaps due to the fact that I was sick and wasn't eating). Note that I hadn't slept since Saturday!
Finally, after being up all night in pain from constipation, everything got better. I'm feeling so much better now, even though I'm a little sore in my abdomen and now I have a headache.
I have my week 20 OB appointment tomorrow. I'm excited, but I've lost about 12 pounds since my last visit a month ago, so I hope that isn't too bad for you. We'll see if she thinks it is OK because I was already overweight, or if she yells at me because it is too bad for you.
Oh well. I'm looking forward to my "big" ultrasound, where they will hopefully be able to tell if you're a boy or a girl. That will be fun to find out! That should happen next week or maybe the week after. Not sure how long it will take to make an appointment.
Also, I'm pretty sure I felt you kick for the first time! I've felt some "odd" feelings off and on, but now I'm pretty sure that's you that I'm feeling. I haven't really felt anything for the last few days because I was so sick - I was feeling all kinds of odd things! Anyway, it is my impression that you tend to kick me whenever I do something that kind of squooshes my belly. Like standing up or bending over. I think it is funny because I can imagine it is part of your personality - when you don't like something you'll let me know! I think that's great, and I love to think of you developing inside me, growing your own little personality.
Well, I think I'm going to go take a bath and then go to bed early. I hope you're happy that we're both feeling better now, and I hope we both get some nice rest tonight! :)
Love,
Mom
Sunday, February 13, 2005
My misbehavin' bladder
Dear Baby,
When I saw you last night, you seemed to be oblivious to the fact I was writhing in pain. You were just sitting there, laying on your side (you're always laying on your side, I bet you'll like that when you're born) and wiggling your butt now and then. So cute, as always.
Anyway, you were ok. That was the main thing. *I* was in pain. So we had to figure out why. The pain had started sometime the day before at work. I was uncomfortable, like I had menstral cramps. And it just kept getting worse, slowly. I told a few people at work about it, and they said that it was probably "growing pains" - very common in pregnancy. I agreed at the time.
So I went home and waited. I went to bed and was able to sleep most of the night, but kept waking up because I was too uncomfortable. By the next day, I was still in pain, and was unable to sit in one spot for more than like 15 seconds. After doing some research on the internet, I figured it could be round ligament pain (or growing pains) or it could be a uterine tract infection. If it was a UTI, it could quickly become a kidney infection and that could be dangerous for you. Also, if it was a UTI, they could give me medication to get rid of it!
So Kevin and I went to the E.R. It was about 11:00 pm and we were both already tired. But, if it was a UTI, it would be important to go.
Once we got there, they first wanted to confirm that you were OK and that I wasn't in pre-term labor. They used a doppler to try to find the heartbeat, but, as always couldn't find it. Then they used the ultrasound machine and found you right away. There you were, wiggling your little butt.
Then they checked my cervix and everything was fine there too! So, luckily, no preterm labor.
I then peed in a cup and had to wait like an hour and a half to get the results. During that time Kevin and I watched a show about Jeffrey Dahmer, and I stood around and danced in pain, unable to sit still because I was so uncomfortable. Finally, at like 1:30 am, the nurse came in and said I had a UTI. "Boo," and "yay" at the same time. :) UTIs suck, but that means I could treat it and it would get better fast.
Anyway, we got the prescription, got it filled at an all-night Walgreens, and I downed a pill while we were still in the car. I also took some Tylenol PM to help me sleep. Neither helped much until about 5 am when I was finally able to sit in one place long enough to fall asleep.
This morning I feel a lot better. I still have some uncomfortable pain in my bladder, and I have to pee a lot, but at least I can do stuff.
The other problem that I've been having is that I can't eat anything! I've lost like 8 pounds in the last month. I just get full so quickly. We ordered pizza the other day, and I ate one slice before I got full. Hopefully this doesn't affect you! I'm making sure that I take my vitamins, and I'm going to get some nutritional shakes to eat in the morning as well. That should really help.
Anyway, other than THAT, everything is great. :) I'm glad you're still OK, baby, and I look forward to seeing you in a few months!
Love,
Mom
When I saw you last night, you seemed to be oblivious to the fact I was writhing in pain. You were just sitting there, laying on your side (you're always laying on your side, I bet you'll like that when you're born) and wiggling your butt now and then. So cute, as always.
Anyway, you were ok. That was the main thing. *I* was in pain. So we had to figure out why. The pain had started sometime the day before at work. I was uncomfortable, like I had menstral cramps. And it just kept getting worse, slowly. I told a few people at work about it, and they said that it was probably "growing pains" - very common in pregnancy. I agreed at the time.
So I went home and waited. I went to bed and was able to sleep most of the night, but kept waking up because I was too uncomfortable. By the next day, I was still in pain, and was unable to sit in one spot for more than like 15 seconds. After doing some research on the internet, I figured it could be round ligament pain (or growing pains) or it could be a uterine tract infection. If it was a UTI, it could quickly become a kidney infection and that could be dangerous for you. Also, if it was a UTI, they could give me medication to get rid of it!
So Kevin and I went to the E.R. It was about 11:00 pm and we were both already tired. But, if it was a UTI, it would be important to go.
Once we got there, they first wanted to confirm that you were OK and that I wasn't in pre-term labor. They used a doppler to try to find the heartbeat, but, as always couldn't find it. Then they used the ultrasound machine and found you right away. There you were, wiggling your little butt.
Then they checked my cervix and everything was fine there too! So, luckily, no preterm labor.
I then peed in a cup and had to wait like an hour and a half to get the results. During that time Kevin and I watched a show about Jeffrey Dahmer, and I stood around and danced in pain, unable to sit still because I was so uncomfortable. Finally, at like 1:30 am, the nurse came in and said I had a UTI. "Boo," and "yay" at the same time. :) UTIs suck, but that means I could treat it and it would get better fast.
Anyway, we got the prescription, got it filled at an all-night Walgreens, and I downed a pill while we were still in the car. I also took some Tylenol PM to help me sleep. Neither helped much until about 5 am when I was finally able to sit in one place long enough to fall asleep.
This morning I feel a lot better. I still have some uncomfortable pain in my bladder, and I have to pee a lot, but at least I can do stuff.
The other problem that I've been having is that I can't eat anything! I've lost like 8 pounds in the last month. I just get full so quickly. We ordered pizza the other day, and I ate one slice before I got full. Hopefully this doesn't affect you! I'm making sure that I take my vitamins, and I'm going to get some nutritional shakes to eat in the morning as well. That should really help.
Anyway, other than THAT, everything is great. :) I'm glad you're still OK, baby, and I look forward to seeing you in a few months!
Love,
Mom
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