18 weeks

Hi Baby,

Tomorrow is the magical date. 18 weeks. It's a big milestone because it is typically a cutoff point for miscarriages - at this point, you're almost certainly having a baby. Of course, nasty things can happen. Premature birth. A knot in the umbilical cord (don't let that happen, please!). Etc. But, those things are rare.

I have to deal with the fact, however, that I have this giant fibroid. And it is probably growing. So far, it isn't caused any problems other than me being bigger than I should be - the OB said I measured 20 weeks when at the time I was 16.5 weeks.

The ultrasound technician also said that given the current location of the fibroid, there would be no way to have a natural childbirth. However, you will continue to grow, so I'm hoping that you push the bugger out of the way. Before I got pregnant the fibroid was in a good location (at the top of the uterus, out of the way) but now that you're growing inside, you've pushed everything over. It is also possible that I have new fibroids growing, in new locations. Well, we'll see. Though I want a vagnial childbirth, I want you to be heathly even MORE.

Another quick note - I had by Alfa-fetal proteins checked at 16 weeks as well. This test checks for Down's Syndrom, Spina Bifida and other problems. The normal result is that you have a 1 in 2000 chance of getting those things. If you get a 1 in 2000 result, they don't do any further testing for those things. If you get an "elevated risk" result (like 1 in 200) then they will do further testing, leading up to an amniocentisis. However, my results were 1 in 5000! Yes, a very good result. So, it is very, very likely that you don't have any of those things. And we shall test for them no more.

I bought a slew of maternity clothing yesterday. Yes, at work I told my boss I was pregnant (on, I think, Tuesday) and through the rest of the week I told others here and there. So the word is out. I'm now the pregnant chick at work. So, I'm free to wear maternity clothing (whereas since I was hiding the pregnancy before, I had to cover up and just wear fat clothing). I bought some stuff online in one particular size that fit me a few months ago, but once I got the stuff, even though I haven't gained any weight since then, it doesn't fit me now. So I had to get a bigger size. It kind of freaks me out because that means that I'm not getting fatter - it's YOU who are making my clothes not fit. Or maybe the fibroid? Ugh. Oh well. I thought that maternity clothes were supposed to grow with you or something? Like, they were supposed to accomodate a giant belly? Well, whatever, they fit for now. Hopefully I won't have to go buy MORE clothes later on. If that happens, I'll probably just end up wearing t-shirts all the time to work. How inappropriate.

Work is going pretty well though. I got a promotion and am now in charge of the department. I get to hire two new employees who will report to me. I have a few applicants who are REALLY good - but, unfortunately, I may not be able to pay enough to get them. The company has a set price in mind for each position, but I'm going to try to see if they'll pay more for really good people. It will be fun having a staff again. I used to have like 5 people reporting to me and I think I was really good. Everyone had their daily assigned job duties, but I would give everyone extracurricular duties as well, like investigating a solution for our archives or revamping something on the web site. It worked really well that way.

Anyway, how am I feeling? Okay, I guess, considering. I have pregnancy rhinitis - which basically means a stuffy nose (this is VERY common). Not only do I have a stuff nose, but my sinuses are swollen (again, very common) and the two don't go well together. Basically, this means that I have a constantly stuffed up nose. So stuffed up that I can't breath through my nose at all, most of the time. This wouldn't be so bad except that I can't breath through my mouth when I'm sleeping (I'm not sure if that's true for everyone or just me) so it makes it really hard to get good sleep. If, for whatever reason, my nose clears up a little bit, I try to run and go take a nap (if I can).

The other problem the runny nose causes is that during the day I have a lot of mucous running down my throat. First, this triggers my gag reflex (which is going CRAZZZEEEE these days) so if it gets bad I have to blow my nose immediately, or I risk throwing up. Second, the mucous gets in my stomach and makes me even more queasy than I already am. So, these two things combined means that I actually feel a little sicker than I did when I actually had morning sickness. There are frequent times throughout the day when something will make me gag or when I need to blow my nose and I have to struggle not to throw up.

And, of course, the gag reflex thing makes it hard to brush my teeth. Unfortunately, I have a little obsession about brushing my teeth really well, and also my tongue. I can't go to work if I haven't brushed my tongue - it's like not brushing my teeth at all. It's gross. The problem is that when I brush my tongue I always tread dangerously close to throwing up, and have, in fact, on several occasions, thrown up into the sink after trying to brush my tongue. But, it is not something I can compromise on. My tongue must be brushed.

Anyway, I have another ultrasound in two weeks. This will be the big one where they look at you very closely and measure everything to make sure everything is in the right place and there are no problems we need to worry about. This is also the best time to tell the sex. So, I beg of you to please try to get into a good position so we can see your, uh, private parts, ok? Usually you're so modest. But hey, just this once, let it all hang out!

Oh, one more thing before I go (my nose has just cleared up quite a bit and I want to run upstairs and see if I can get some sleep). I LOVED seeing you at my last ultrasound! When we went to the OB at 16 weeks, she couldn't find your heartbeat on the doppler (again!) so we were off to get another emergency ultrasound to make sure you were still alive.

So we go to the hospital and the lady starts checking me. Her wand is going all over my belly, up and down everywhere, and she doesn't say anything for quite a while. Finally I ask, "Did you find the baby?" "Yes," she answers, "it is up here" while pointing to a spot to the right of my belly button. "Did you see a heartbeat?" "No," she says, and pauses for a long, terrible moment. "But I did see the baby moving a lot." Phew! So everything was okay.

At the end of the appointment Kevin got to come in and we both got a chance to look at you. You were curled up in a ball, facing downwards, with your head looking away (so we couldn't get a cute profile shot). However, you were moving more than we had ever seen before. You would curl up into a ball, and then stretch your legs out behind you, kind of like you felt cramped. I felt a little bad because if you feel cramped at 16 weeks, how is it going to be at 35 weeks! Then, there was another time when you stretched out your arms, and then slowly and deliberately brought your hand up to your face. You were probably sucking your thumb, though we couldn't actually see that. We could just see that you were holding your hand up to your mouth. God, it was so cute. It was just like an old baby with slow, deliberate movements. You know when babies are born they flail their little arms around and they have no control - it is because they are not yet used to being out of the liquid environment of the womb. But, inside the womb you've got great control, and you look just like a real baby. Well, you ARE a real baby, I guess, but you know what I mean, right?

That ultrasound session has really changed your dad, as well. He said he almost cried, seeing you move around in there. (I didn't even come close to crying, isn't that odd? As emotional and as easy to tear as I am? It just still doesn't seem real to me, I guess.) Now, he is treating me like I'm pregnant. I'm not allowed to carry anything. I'm not allowed to walk in the snow. I'm not allowed to drive place by myself. It's cute, most of the time. Man, I love your dad so much!

Anyway, I gotta go. Going to try to go back to bed. I love you baby, and I can't wait to meet you. Just a few more months to go! Hang in there!

Love,

Mom